Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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