i wish there were pregnant emoticons
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
