got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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