it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
why do cheetos always look like penises
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
