so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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