if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
