I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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