The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
