You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
