wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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