Me too!
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
