I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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