Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
