Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
