I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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