At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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