Fine. I'll sleep in my office
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Randomize
