we're chasing vodka with high fives
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
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