I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
