i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
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