you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
