Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
