Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
