I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
i now understand why vodka
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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