I can feel you judging me through the phone.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
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