bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
if only i could text you this smell
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
What happened to fro yo and sex?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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