Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
