I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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