just come out here and I will go home with you...
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
