I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
