Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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