The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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