Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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