i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Randomize
