My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
