I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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