My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
