If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize