turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
You need a sexual gate keeper
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
