her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
