So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
