She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
