So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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