yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
