so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
