Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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