yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize