you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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