How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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