I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize