I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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