Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
