I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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