I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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