I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
