Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
