hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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