I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
