the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Randomize
