I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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