I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
