oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
