this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
