just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
