Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
